


Not Exactly

by icarusninja23



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idk enjoy, Not Beta Read, Post-Avengers 4, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Snark Machine Peter Parker, canon-compliant?, or maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 11:17:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14851728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icarusninja23/pseuds/icarusninja23
Summary: A group of thugs try to kidnap Peter on his way home from Stark Tower, but their poor planning gets in the way. (Or; having spider powers is sometimes a bit too perfect)





	Not Exactly

**Author's Note:**

> as much as i love angsty fics where peter gets kidnapped or whatever i am so sick and tired of people forgetting that this binch has superpowers! so i wrote this at five in the morning and that's my backstory enjoy ilysm <3<3

It took Peter about a minute to realize he was being followed.

Of course, he'd understood the inherent danger of his situation, being one of the few people to enter and leave Stark Tower on a regular enough basis for stalkers would catch wind of it. Tony was always reluctant to let him walk home alone, but Peter always insisted. It was hardly a mile – what could possibly go wrong?

Peter glanced behind him, gripped the straps of his backpack, and quickened his pace. Upon seeing his pursuers do the same, he started to form the skeleton of a plan. He'd take a couple right turns and go back to the Tower, tell Stark what happened, and call May to let her know he's fine (because _lord knows_ she doesn't need to have another panic attack over him). It was just two guys, it's not like they'd follow him into Stark Tower, not unless they had some _major_ balls.

He continued forth with confidence, making the first turn.

It was _then_ that he noticed the van.

A large black van, so utterly inconspicuous and _so utterly clichéd_ , trailing behind both him and the two men behind him. It was gaining traction, and Peter actually felt worried. He couldn't outrun a car. Or, rather, he couldn't outrun a car without exposing himself as Spider-Man. This was turning into a situation, and Peter felt tempted to just call Tony.

The streets were practically barren, everyone still on-edge about the latest big disaster. Whatever it was, Peter hadn't been there, an out-of-state trip taking up that weekend. He wished that the Great Evil had taken a holiday, then maybe he wouldn't need to be so stressed.

The next corner was just up ahead, but the van had already pulled up. A large bald man in a dark coat stepped out of the passengers side, a pair of sunglasses obscuring his face as he moved to block Peter's path.

"Good evening," Peter greets as nonchalantly as he can. "What's with the glasses, bud? Just get back from a Terminator lookalike contest?"

The man answered by pulling something out of one of his coat pockets, and Peter felt his face pale. _That's definitely a gun. Why does he have a gun?_

"Jesus Christ, Richie, could you cool it?" one of the men behind him whisper-yelled. "I thought we were tryin' to be lowkey. You _know_ this is Spider-Man turf, right?"

Peter chuckled involuntarily, _if only they knew_.

"You laughing at something, you little shit?" the same man complained.

"No," Peter lied, keeping the snark in his voice. "Just wondering why a group of obviously respectable and high-class men like yourselves are interrupting my walk home."

The bald man, Richie, groaned in response, and the other man just got angrier. "Yeah, well I've got something that'll shut you up."

It was light, but Peter did feel his spider-sense go off before the third man grabbed him from behind, putting a cloth over his mouth. The cloth was cold, damp, and smelled vaguely sweet, fruity, almost like wine ( _not that Peter would know what wine smells like_ ). After a few moments, breathing it in made Peter's head swim slightly, but the look on the other men's faces brought a smile to his.

"What the fuck?" he heard the man in front of him mutter. "You stupid or something, Danny? Is that just a wet cloth?"

Danny opened his mouth to reply, but Peter headbutted him before he got the chance. The man stumbled back, clutching his jaw, and Peter kicked him in the shin, knocking him down.

"Y'know you guys have the least intimidating names," Peter quipped, stepping forward. "I mean, really. Richard? Daniel?" He cast a look at the unnamed thug. "Let me guess, your name's Kevin."

The unnamed thug gritted his teeth in response. "Y'know, I really didn't want to resort to violence this early, but you're really getting on my _nerves_."

A switchblade emerged from his pocket, and the man charged at him. He slashed at Peter, but the swing was cut short as Peter grabbed the man's arm midway through. The man froze, startled by the ease with which Peter performed the motion, and Peter quickly delivered a punch to his stomach, sending the man hurtling backwards before he slammed against the side of the van, denting it. Peter swallowed, not wanting to hit the man _that_ hard. _Then again, he is trying to kidnap me._

Richie was next, immediately pulling his gun on Peter, who froze, unsure how to deal with _that_. Of course, he'd dealt with armed men as Spider-Man, but it's a lot harder to disarm someone without web shooters. And judging by the size of this guy, he was going to be a bit harder to take down.

"What's wrong, kid? Out of jokes?"

"You underestimate me," Peter responded, hands slowly raising to his head.

"I think I know better than to underestimate you," Richie scoffed. "Stark give you steroids or something?"

"Not exactly." Peter caught sight of something cylindrical and metal on the ground and pushed back a smile. One of his web shooters, _must've fallen out of my bag._ If he could just get the guy distracted…

"You know, I _was_ wondering," Richie started again, keeping his aim squarely at Peter's forehead. "What'd a kid like you do to get access to Stark?"

Peter smiled. "You wanna know?"

The man nodded.

"You _really_ wanna know?" Peter taunted, his smile turning into a smirk.

The man huffed in response, unamused.

"Fine, fine," Peter said. "I'll tell you." He paused, letting the moment sink in. "I'm actually War Machine."

There was a pause, and when Peter heard Richie laugh, he knew it was showtime.

"Why are you laughing? I'm telling the truth!" Peter replied in mock-defensiveness.

"You really _don't_ run out of jokes, do you?" The man lowers his gun for a moment, putting his guard down, and Peter goes for it, diving for the web shooter.

Just as he gripped the metal, he heard the gun go off and his heart nearly stopped as he felt the bullet graze his shoulder, leaving an angry burning red stripe on his skin and a tear in his new sweatshirt. He managed to hold it together long enough to slip on the device and web his attacker's pistol, pulling it out of his hand before running over and delivering a kick to the man's face. The man fell to the ground, and Peter webbed him to the sidewalk before he could make any other moves. He did the same to the others before backing up, double-checking that they were the only people after him.

Richie yanked at his restraints, muttering a "What the hell?"

"That stuff should dissolve in two hours," Peter points out, adrenaline leaving his veins as he pulls up his hood. _Wouldn't want anyone else seeing him_. "But I'm sure the cops will be here long before that."

Peter watched the man struggle for a moment before the sharp pain in his shoulder urged him to go back to Stark Tower. He needed to cut this short.

Peter sent Richie a smirk before walking off, saying after him, "Y'know, you guys really should be more careful when you try to do these sorts of things. Don't you know this is Spider-Man's turf?"


End file.
